Two Simple Rules to Live by to Better Manage Anger

Angry CoupleRule number 1.  Take personal responsibility for everything you do, think, and feel.
Rule number 2. Stop blaming others for your bad behavior.

Is it really that simple?  Well, yah, it is.  It’s true that there are numerous coping skills to better manage and control anger.  I have taught these techniques to anger management students for years.  Communicating better, that’s a no brainer that most people need a little help with.  Becoming more emotionally intelligent.  Sounds easy, but in practice, angry people struggle with this.  Just getting control of our stress.  These are some basic skills that are routinely taught in most anger management programs and by therapists across the country.

I believe that before we start gaining skills we must first embrace these two simple rules.  Let’s explore rule one.  Taking personal responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.  No one makes us behave badly nor controls our feelings or thoughts.  Controlling thoughts, feelings and emotions is a choice, a very conscious choice we all make.  One of the wonderful things that sets human beings apart from other animals on the planet, other than our apposing thumbs, is our large brains and high IQ.  What comes with a high IQ?  It is our ability to make choices and not act on instinct every time we get upset.

Let’s take a look at an example of this.  Lets say someone you don’t like insults you and you feel angry and decide to insult them back.  Then they apologize and you feel better.  Who was in control of your thoughts, feelings and behavior?  Sadly, it wasn’t you.  If others can make you angry and just as easily make you feel better, then all the power is handed over to them.  Taking responsibility gives us the freedom and control over ourselves and we can make smarter and more intelligent choices.  The simple rule of taking personal responsibility might sound simple, but it does take practice.

Now, I’d like to examine rule number 2.  Stop blaming others for our bad behavior.  It’s really easy to blame others for our actions.  There are several fundamental problems with this mentality.  The first is that other people don’t really have that control over you (as mentioned above) and the other is that when we behave badly the focus now moves to our behavior and not the topic at hand.  Blaming others is really easy.  When we do this, we shift all the responsibility on to them and its give us license to say or do as we wish.  The problem, of course, is that when we do this, the recipient will often focus on the bad behavior and not the problem.  This can be incredibly frustrating for someone that is looking to get respect for blaming others.

Here’s a case example:  Your wife comes home an hour late, without calling or texting you.  During this hour of waiting you’ve grown angry, insulted, worried and feel disrespected.  As the door opens you launch into yelling at her, expressing your anger.  Your voice is raised, yelling some non-flattering explicative. She storms off into another room and tells you to leave her alone.  Now your upset even more thinking “she’s the one who showed up late without calling and I’m the bad guy?”.  Sound familiar?

Well, you are the bad guy.  Why?  Because instead of taking control of your emotions and behavior, you allowed yourself to blame her for being upset and hostile.  She is now focused on your swearing and yelling rather than your justifiable complaint of her being an hour late.

Stop the blame game and do the right thing, by taking control of your own behaviors and stop giving yourself permission to behave badly.   Following these two simple rules might just be the game changer to happier and healthier relationships.

Ari Novick, Ph.D.
AJ Novick Group, Inc.

AJ Novick Group Re-Approved By Orange County Probation Department

The AJ Novick Group, Inc., founded by Dr. Ari Novick has been providing court and probation approved anger management, parenting and theft education programs for several years.  For the 9th year in a row, the Orange County Probation Department has re-approved the AJ Novick Group to continue to collaborate with Probation and continue to provide these valuable services to the community and the legal system.

Approval from the probation department in Orange County, California is important because anyone who needs to take a court approved program for anger management, parenting or theft education must take the class from their “Approved Probation Provider List”.

While you do not need to have a court requirement to take a program from Ari Novick, Ph.D. or one of his talented instructors, classes can also be taken simply for self-growth and improvement.

All of our classes are geared to be upbeat and enjoyable, but at the same time offer a quality learning experience.  Class sizes are limited to 10 students per class.  Please call to let us know if you would like to attend a class 949-715-2694.

All classes are based in beautiful downtown Laguna Beach, CA.  Come enjoy the sun and gain some new skills too.

Dr. Ari Novick – Alcohol Awareness Classs and Drug Education Online

Understanding how alcohol and drugs impacts us is serious business.  Both children and adults are often misinformed as it relates to understanding the effects of drugs and alcohol.  Dr. Ari Novick has put together seveal online programs the educate students about alcohol awareness and drug education.  The classes are taught in a online format and are broken down by chapters.  The classes are presented in an easy to understand and enjoyable format.

The classes are part of the AJ Novick Group’s online portfolio of classes.  These programs are commonly taken for personal growth or for a court or legal requirement, such as a DUI or MIP.  The online format works well for a lot of people because the classes can be taken anytime from any location and from any device.  Students of these online alcohol awareness programs or drug education classes will walk away with new knowledge about these topics but also learn some new coping skills to better combat issues related to peer pressure and maintaining good stress management skills to stay clean and sober.

The programs come in different lengths, such as 8 hours, 12, 16, 20, 24 and 32.  Dr. Novick designed the classes for both the general public, but also for employers and students.  For more information, simply visit our website by clicking the link above, or contact Ari Novick, Ph.D. at 949 715-2694

Orange County Anger Management Classes offered by Ari Novick, Ph.D.

Dr. Ari Novick offers a wide variety of anger management classes in Orange County.  His agency, AJ Novick Group, Inc. offers court and probation approved anger management classes each week at their Laguna Beach, CA based office.  These group classes meet on Tuesday and Thursday each week at 6pm.  The cost is $35 per class.  Most people will attend 10 classes, but classes can also be taken up to 52 weeks in duration if needed.  Call for more information at 949-715-2694

The Anger management classes are a great way to gain new skills to make relationships better and to interact with others in a more positive way.  Classes are structured, use a sound curriculum and are upbeat and enjoyable.  Feel free to just show up the day of the class or call our office for more information.  Anger management classes meet at:

AJ Novick Group, Inc.
333 Third Street, Suite 4
Laguna Beach, CA 92651
949-715-2694

Dr. Novick’s company also provides anger management classes online.  The same curriculum that is used in the in person weekly classes is applied in an online format.  These courses are ideal for those that have busy schedules or can not find a class located conveniently near their home or office.  The online anger classes are a great option for the right circumstance.

Ari Novick, Learn More About Him

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology.  He is the president of AJ Novick Group, Inc., which is a agency that provides both distance learning education programs as well as in person psychotherapy, group classes and executive coaching.  Ari Novick is the author of several online programs which include courses in anger management, disruptive fan conduct, parenting, alcohol awareness, sexual harassment, and more.  Dr. Novick is often sought out as a guest speaker and has been featured in many publications and news outlets.

For more information on Ari Novick or the AJ Novick Group, Inc., please visit their corporate website or call 949-715-2694